Back to School Anxiety

Question: My 8 year old daughter struggles with transitions. She has
big meltdowns and tantrums when changes in her schedule occur, or if
she has to do something new like go back to school to a new classroom
and teacher. How can I help her prepare for the new school year?

Answer: Most kids have a hard time with transitions and some anxiety
about a new school year, but when kids have added anxiety it can make
the transition extremely difficult for everyone at home. Kids have to
learn an emotional vocabulary the same way they have to learn their
vocabulary words in school and you can help. Ask your child about her
concerns for the new school year. If she says, “I don't know." Offer
some suggestions like, "If I were going back to school I might be
worried about having a teacher I don't know or new kids in the class
that I don't know. That would make me feel anxious and even a little
scared." Once the conversation starts going, help your child label
feelings, and ask if they would like to talk about solutions. For
example, "How can I help you feel better about your first day?" Also,
give your child exercises to have control over a project that
increases positive feelings about the first day back. For example, use
day-of-the week hangers to have your child create their wardrobe for
the week, be sure to remind them that you get the final say, but let
them be creative. And finally, make a plan to talk about the first
couple of days of school, maybe ice cream cones after dinner or a walk
to the park. During these conversations it is important to let your
child know that it is ok to feel anxious, scared, worried, mad, etc.
but it is not ok to throw a big tantrum, hit scream, yell. If they are
feeling any of the above big emotions they can talk to you or have
quiet alone time until they feel ready to talk to you. (Quiet time is
not a punishment or a time out. It is a previously agreed upon quiet
activity that your child does to self soothe when flooded with
emotions.) Kids need time to process, so it's ok to ask questions
the first day of school but try not to grill your child.